4. Feeling the love ❤️

In the few days since I have started this blog, it turns out it is more of a story…and a long one at that! I didn’t realise I had so much to say on the subject but now I have opened up about it, I can’t stop!  It is the first time,  in a long time that I have felt passionate about anything. My spark had gone and I have been going through the motions of day to day life and not addressing this at all!

Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life and we are more fortunate than some. I have the best family and amazing friends and my husband has been supportive in every decision I have made, good and bad! He has two wonderful sons who I have bonded with and whilst I will never be their Mum, I am part of their lives and always will be. My husband, more than anyone has been by my side throughout this journey,  he played his part too and I don’t think I have given him enough credit for that. I have been pretty selfish with my thoughts and feelings, it has been all about me and my loss and the impact on my life. He has listened through my tears and put up with my tantrums and anger. Sometimes I sat in silence for hours,  I wanted to talk about it but the words wouldn’t come. I wanted to scream but silence followed.  My emotions were devoid. I lost interest in everything, I left my job after 10 yrs, I couldn’t bear the routine and the fact that everything was the same, but in fact, everything had changed. Leaving my job was a big decision, I suppose it was the only decision I felt I had any control of at the time?

On a lighter note, I have had lots of great feedback since I started. I didn’t expect anything from it, or at least I didn’t know what to expect? I am doing this for me and my sanity but if this has struck a chord with anyone, or they have enjoyed it and understood it, then I will carry on as I have lots more to say, explain, face and understand.

Thank you for reading and being part of this journey with me. I am feeling the love and turning a corner in my life.

AJ x