Egg collection day was one of the most positive times during the treatment. I didn’t know what the outcome would be, no one did but nevertheless, I woke up in a positive mood. I was hungry too, I hadn’t eaten for twelve hours in preparation for the anesthetic The little stories in my head (that I so often make up) had started again. I had been talking to my follicles and willing them to come good. I kept patting my tummy, almost like I was already pregnant, telling them it would be okay, everything would be fine. I imagined them wrapped up warm and snuggled in, happily growing. I dreamt of a giant golden egg being presented to me with a red bow around it, then I thought of chocolate and I was hungry again.
I was told to arrive with no perfume, deodorants or make up on and nails clear of varnish. This was a serious procedure so when I arrived on the ward, I had followed all of the instructions, well sort of. The young trainee nurse took us into room with a few beds, I was the only person in the room today so I had it all to myself. I wouldn’t have minded if the other beds were occupied but I was happy that it was quiet and relaxed. Husband was with me, as always. I know I don’t mention him much but as I have previously said, this was always my thing, my journey. Looking back it was a pretty selfish way to think but also self preservation. I couldn’t deal with anyone else’s feelings. It was all about me.
I felt really happy today and I was taking it all in my stride, even when I was told off by the older nurse for wearing tinted moisturiser on my face! I found this hilarious and I laughed along with the younger nurse who said I was causing trouble. I was taking it seriously but I have never been one to follow the rules, I always had to break one of them! It was even funnier when my husband had to get changed into scrubs and his trousers were halfway up his legs. The white clogs and hair net that accompanied the outfit suited him. It was all of the little distractions that kept me sane.
I was prepped and ready to go. I walked into theatre, Sue was there. I was glad, she was so experienced and knew just what to say to make you feel at ease. The consultant came in followed by a student nurse and then the anetheisist. I was lying there in all my glory for all to see. Hunt the egg came to mind. My husband was nearby and I was calm. The room was a busy hive of activity and we were all in quite close proximity. I knew what the procedure entailed and I knew it wouldn’t take too long. I was relaxed and ready to meet my golden egg. A screen was positioned to next to me so I could see every move. I was determined to stay awake throughout it, my husband said I fell sleep for a bit but I swore I never! I remember a hatch opening to the side and my husband cracking a joke about tea and sandwiches being served. It was actually the embryologist on stand by for my golden egg. I was in a bit of a daze but I do recall my husband patting me on the head and someone saying two. Before I knew it I was back on the ward, I was half asleep but started to wake up. I felt groggy and my eyes wouldn’t focus properly. I couldn’t mistake the smile on hubbys face though.
Well I never, I had two golden eggs!! The bugger that was lagging behind had caught up and both eggs were deemed viable. Sue was so excited and couldn’t wait to rush in to tell us, another nurse who had been present at one of our previous appointments said ‘I’m so glad you went through with this as it just proves you never know what the outcome will be’. She was right, we didn’t expect this. I wasn’t even sure they would get one, never mind two. I sipped my tea and started to daydream.
This drive home was different to yesterday’s. Laughter, smiles, positivity, thinking of what prams I would like. A friend of a friend had a great pram when her first baby arrived and I wanted the same pram. I’d bought a bigger car, I’d easily get the pram in and the car seat would fit perfectly. I’d get the seat fitted properly, I’d be too worried otherwise. I thought about showing my baby off and how happy I and everyone else would be. Just let me dream for a minute, go away negative thoughts. Don’t burst my bubble, please.
The embryologist had told us both eggs were good quality, the larger one was the better grade but we coildnt have asked for anything better. For my age range, they would only implant a maximum of three eggs anyway so two out of three was perfect for me. A new story was developing and I felt positive about the next page in the book. It did feel strange to think I had left my eggs behind but I was sure they were safe and in good hands. Anyway, I had a photo of my eggs to moon over until I get my babies back. Two golden eggs!
The next stage is the science bit, super sperm is injected into each egg and they are closely monitored over the next twelve hours to make sure they survive and enter the expected phase. It’s a bit more technical than this but they will pin point the exact day when the embryos (my golden eggs) need to be transferred back.
I had to sit tight and wait for a call the following morning from the embryologist to see how everything had developed and if my eggs could be transferred back (brought back home). My OCD had kicked in now, it does when you feel stressed and under pressure. I was thinking of the most ridiculous scenarios. If I pick the bit of fluff up from the carpet it will work, if I don’t, it’s my fault and I’ll never forgive myself for leaving the fluff on the floor. If I don’t wash this cup now, that’s it, it’s all over. I realise now it was all very irrational but I had no control over the outcome. I had control over picking the fluff up so I picked all the fluff I could find and put it in the bin. Phew, that feels better already. Back to sitting tight!
I was home alone the next day. Hubby had to go to work, it was for the best as I needed time to gather my thoughts and I wouldn’t be called back in today. I had to wait for my phone call and I wasn’t sure when that would be. As it happened, it was 08.25am, my heart stopped when the phone rang.
AJ X
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